rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
