what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
