I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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