I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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