The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
