Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
