I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
