Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
