I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
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I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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