Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize