Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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