Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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