my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
