also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
