pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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