Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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