Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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