saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
