don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
