Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
