I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
