how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
