WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
