I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
