not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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