you have to choose: penises or morals?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
