Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
