Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
