The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
