Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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