I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just invented taco cereal.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
