wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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