Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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