Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
