it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
