If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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