I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
