conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
