o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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