you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
