he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
