and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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