it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
