I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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