i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
