That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
