were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
