My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
