I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
