You made me cry and you don't even care
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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