he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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