Moan for me like Helen Keller
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
