So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You can't motorboat a personality
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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