the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
