Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
