girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
