After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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