The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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