If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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