I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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