UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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