i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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