The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Michael Bay diarrhea
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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