Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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