people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
