btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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