Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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