trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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