Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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