I met the friendliest cop last night
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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