So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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