I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
