I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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