I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
