Since when is my name a synonym for head?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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