He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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