What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How external is "for external use only"?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
