JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
