3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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