I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
