If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
