:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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