I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
