How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
