That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize